This is a picture of my newly acquired tattoo,
a cross with a butterfly in the middle,
and in the 4 corners it says:
Only By God’s Grace.
I waited so long to get a tattoo.
I wanted it to have meaning, a story behind it.
I remember…
laying in a fetal position
on the cold concrete of a gas station,
excruciating pain.
I remember…
wanting so much to be out of pain,
wanting someone to make it go away.
I wanted to die.
I remember…
the pain,
not noticing how cold and wet the ground was
waiting,
waiting for an ambulance
yelling at the sky: God, please make it stop!
In the emergency room they decided to discharge me
again
as they had done a week before.
The drug levels in my blood were so high,
they thought I was expendable.
“There’s nothing more we can do for her”, they said.
“She’s bleeding on your floor”, my boyfriend said.
“You’re very lucky he came with you”,
they told me after the surgery:
ectopic pregnancy, internal bleeding, severe blood loss.
I believe God puts people in situations for a reason.
If my boyfriend wasn’t there…
If he hadn’t come…
I wouldn’t be sitting here today.
It was meant for him to be there.
Only By God’s Grace.
The butterfly in the middle symbolizes
a new beginning.
It is an excruciating process to become a butterfly,
an exhausting process.
It isn’t easy,
it takes a lot of work,
but to become that butterfly
I must work on getting out of the cocoon.
