Linda - I picked a picture of myself

I picked a picture of myself at a Mother’s Day gala,
I actually like how I look here.
I see happiness within myself.

For a very long time I was depressed,
I didn’t like myself,
I wanted to take my life.
I didn’t tell anyone
so they wouldn’t talk me out of it.
I was scared.

Started drinking at 15.
Drunk, I felt carefree.
A false sense of security.
I never felt right inside my body,
I know now it was from mental illness.
Always trying some substance,
looking for the “right” thing.
My husband introduced me to heroin.
It numbed me.
.
My life in the past 15 years was crazy:
lost my father, my husband.
I used all the time, never dealt with issues.
I liked not being able to feel,
not having to deal with issues in my life,
like being sexually abused by my grandfather,
like mom’s mental illness,
frustrated because
there was nothing I could do to help her.

Now I am starting to grow,
starting to get to know myself.
No longer numb.
Happy I didn’t take my life.
I have forgiven the people who have hurt me.
But it isn’t easy dealing with issues of my past.
It was easier using.

Glory House has given me back my life,
has given me a life.
I am smiling.